Days 0 - 6

So 6 long, long days ago I found myself purchasing yet another weight loss program. My friend Cat & I decided to go to Jenny Craig to see what they offered after an incident involving her, a inconsiderate doctor and four stinging words on a medical report "young, somewhat obese female"...

Day 0

I went there being skeptical: after all I have high standards for the program that's going to change my life (and be my co-star in my best selling memoirs). I was looking for something that was

-convenient,

-affordable,

-had variety,

-included all of the food groups,

-that could translate into a life long program, and

-promised to produce reasonable results.

After all it's not like I could live off of plain chicken & veggies all my life. After listening to what they had to say & reading the menu (I get chocolate cake?) I felt good about this program. So Cat & I enrolled in the program and left with 4 days worth of food and already weighing less as our wallets were now empty.

So that was Saturday. Our program didn't officially start until Sunday. So how did I spend my Saturday evening, the fattest day of the rest of my life? Gorging myself with practically every craving I could think of of course! Then as the evening came to an end I took the remaining junk food & ceremoniously dumped it into the trash can (just like I've done the 30 other times I've started a diet).

Day 1

I was so hungry I contemplated eating my arm. Here's the point where you think "life is so much easier being fat" & "do I really care how much I weight". Not to mention I started my first day with my first challenge: a spa party with a food spread to die for (meat, cheese, pickles, crackers, chips, homemade cookies, Jalepeno Poppers). And since it was my first day on the diet & I didn't know too many people at the party I didn't feel like announcing to everyone that I was declining all but veggies in the name of skinniness. Meanwhile the hostess is all but trying to shove the food down my throat and it's taking all my willpower to say "I really full actually" when ACTUALLY I'm starving. [side note: as soon as she found out about the diet she was pissed off that I didn't tell her & she felt shitty about the food forcing. Sorry Kelsey! My bad!] But I passed my first challenge, weakly. Gold star.

Luckily since Cat had enrolled into Jenny Craig too she kept me motivated to stick with it. But oh how I wanted to visit Express 24 & leave with an abundance of goodies. Instead I tried to get as creative as a person can with "free veggies" & an assortment of "free condiments". Ketchup & zucchini anyone?

Day 2 - Halloween!

Still felt like eating my arm AND possibly gnawing on my desk but I pressed through. That day I learned my lesson about storing some free foods at work (veggies, broth mix, etc) cuz I was dying & hey did I mention it was Halloween (i.e. junk food in abundance). But I made it & didn't cheat. Gold star sticker to me.

Day 3

Third challenge (it's been like the Olympics of weight loss challenges this week), Kelsey's birthday & we went out to lunch at my favorite restaurant Boston Pizza. So I do the smart thing and order a tossed salad (no tomatoes, no dressing - cuz the bastards didn't have any fat free dressing) & a diet pepsi. I spend the lunch eating my weak ass wilted salad and talking to keep myself distracted. But I made it again (gold star!), didn't cheat.

Then, an ephifany! I wasn't starving. Like the whole day. I just ate my predetermined portion sizes and that was it. Oh how I loved that day...maybe I could do this. Finally, was I on my last journey to weight loss? Had I begun my last diet? Would this be the last time I felt deprived? Only time would tell.

Day 4 - Weigh in Wednesday

So I wasn't as satisfied as the day before, but I was okay. Afterall today was Weigh in Wednesday so there's no temptation to cheat on weigh in day. I go to Jenny, get on the scale and...

two pounds. Not bad. Well pretty good for four days. But my negativity/realism steps in: it could be water weight... don't focus on the number... just cuz you lost 2 pounds in 4 days does not mean you'll lose 4 pounds in 1 week...can you really tell that you lost 2 pounds, like does your ass look 2 pounds smaller?

Okay but time to be positive. I feel better already, because I know I'm doing something proactive about my fat (cuz we all know bitching does not burn that many calories). And it seems like I can stick to this program. I go home feeling cautiously optimistic.

Day 5

Yeah so my meatballs & noodles tasted okay for lunch but shortly after I had to go home sick because I felt like I was going to explode. Could have been the Hep A vaccine I got the day before, could have been the diet pepsi I was drinking, could have been cuz it was my time of the month, could have been cuz I've drastically upped my milk drinking, OR it could be from the prepackaged meatballs...only time will tell. All I know is my new supervisor didn't seem impressed that I was leaving early for a sick day during my second week!

Day 6

So that brings me to today. End of the work week; which has been really stressful what with farmers & accountants being really grumpy at me over the phone and superiors having their expectations way too high for week 2 of a new job. What do you do after a stressful work week? That's right "go for drinks"...so I find myself yet again facing another challenge. I'm in Leto's lounge and I order a bland, slightly sewagey tasting diet pepsi (damn small town water/fountain pop). And...

I'm starving. But I do not feel like veggies. Or plain salad. So I just sit there and again distract myself with the talking, well bitching. Success. Maybe I discovered my main coping mechanism? Once at home, I eat my premade microwaved mac & cheese with green beans and fantasize that it's really the garlic butter shrimp that I kept smelling at Leto's.

**I have to be honest with myself at this point. The following statements do not mean that I won't continue to whine & feel deprived but...it's not like I haven't over indulged in the past. Afterall, as I'm so fond of saying "I didn't get fat by eating carrot sticks". I need to learn to look at food a fuel & less as a reward or prize.**

And now, back to our regularly scheduled Adventures of Fat Ass!