Week 0 Day 6

Yeah so the potluck was the beginning of yet another binge. I have eaten some things that are good & a lot of things that are terrible. Yesterday I decided that I needed to try counseling again. I was skeptical since I have tried counselors before, but in each instance I felt like the counselor just wanted to treat the symptom (my eating) by giving me a diet to try rather than dig further and discover why I’m addicted to food. So this time I asked her (Kathleen) if she had experience with weight issues before I even confirmed an appointment.

She said that weight issues come from a food addiction, which is not unlike alcoholism, or other addictions. It comes from when we try to look outside ourselves for control, comfort etc. She said she tries to focus on how to look within because a diet won’t work permanently until that is addressed. I could totally relate to this because I feel like my eating is a compulsion most times and that while I have had short-term success with some dieting, I have trouble keeping it going. I’m excited to see someone who doesn’t write off my issues as just plain laziness or lack of ambition. My appointment is for Thursday evening (week 1 day 2) so I’m looking forward to that.

Wednesday evening (a.k.a. tomorrow night) I have another Jenny Craig weigh in. This won’t be good & I can see crying in my future (this whole weight business is pretty emotional for me). I am meeting with Cathy, since my Jenny consultant was promoted. Cathy intimidates me a lot. I’m not really sure what I’m going to say to her after the scale shows yet another increase & I say that I couldn’t still with the menu plan this week…the truth I guess?

Week 0 Day 2

Ugh...sometimes I hate myself. I am only on day two & I succumbed to the potluck lunch that we had today. I ate: meatballs, lasagna, potato salad, a white bun w/ butter, cheesecake & brownie...amongst other things.

What is my problem?

Take 2 Week 0 Day 1

Thursday...

Wow, okay so after hosting Christmas, going to a Greek New Year’s, and then doing an all-inclusive Caribbean holiday I am now ready to get back on track with my diet. I went to “Weigh In Wednesday” last night and I was somewhat successful. From Halloween until now I have been able to keep a total of 8 lbs off. Some might say that 8 lbs in 12 weeks is really weak, but I ask that you examine the time period when evaluating my success.

Now as you can see by the picture at left (me in the carribean sea) I still have many 8-pound lumps to go before I reach a decent bathing suit weight.

Sometimes I think that deep down I don’t really want to lose the weight. For most things in my life, when I’ve wanted something that was within my control then I’ve gone after it & been successful. Weight loss should be within my control: I control what goes in my mouth and how much I exercise. However weight loss seems to be one success that eludes me.

My motivation seems to come and go. I seem to have 2 personalities: one that wants all the best for myself & one that wants all the best junk food. I have gone to a few counselors looking for help with the mental aspect of dieting and each one doesn’t seem to understand what I really need: they just try to tell me about a new diet they think will work for me. I guess I can only blame myself for not speaking up when I am meeting them?
My little sis, Calli, is moving in with us this weekend. She is 15, smart, athletic, pretty & a handful. I’m not really sure how the next few months are going to go, as I haven’t lived at home since 2000. However if my memory doesn’t fail me most of my conflict was with Cody my brother, not Calli. Times & ages of changed though so it could be interesting. I’m optimistic.

Day ??

Well I'm off tomorrow on my trip to the Dominican...I had a weigh in last night & I am down 3 pounds-ish which is approximately the same as what I was up last week. I am going on my trip down about 13 pounds from the day I started.

My goal for my trip it to try to incorporate exercise into my day (like swimming, walking, the gym?) so that the non-stop drinks and buffet don't have too much of a negative impact on my weight.

Adios all, I'm off to a warmer place! (Hopefully)